Just like you, I once struggled to accept my sexuality, gender, and preferred relationship styles. I struggled for years, thinking that no one would ever accept me for exactly who I was.  I remember thinking in my early twenties that my sexuality was too much for anyone.  I thought that sadomasochism was something like cancer in my body.  My job was to starve it, to fight it, and to never share it with anyone, that if I shared who I really was, I would be labeled a monster.  I had the misunderstanding that the activities which excited me were just performed in porn but never really enjoyed in earnest or in the real world.  Perhaps worse, was the idea that those that did enjoy it were inherently unhealthy or that I would become a monster if I indulged myself.  I remember thinking if I was ever to find love, I would have to be selective in how I presented myself.  The best I could do was hide it from myself and anyone who wanted to get to know me.